it was not your fault but mine

so we went to see the stage show of pawn stars yesterday. hilarity ensued. first of all, it was in a restored theater that i went on a photo walk in and took these right before my berfday last year:

that being said: (disclaimer) it's the show on the history channel-las vegas pawn store. it was the dad, son, and chum lee (who is completely catering to his public perception of being dumb as the proverbial rock-was fairly disheartening).

it was their first show and apparently all the kinks weren't quite worked out. they were showing off a previously purchased 200 year old scroll of japanese porn-it was a "tutorial" for new brides (yikes!). on stage they were like, 'don't unroll it all the way. there are kids here' yeah. problem was the giant screen behind them showing closeups of the two painted characters having sex-the dude had a huge exaggerated penis, it was hysterically awkward. 

then they went to the "pawn your items" audience segment. a  pretentious jerk went up to have his astronaut crap appraised. "it went to the moon, i KNOW how much it's worth blah blah blah". he was obnoxious and rude....and then some random chick in the audience screamed (after 5 minutes of his crap), "GO AWAY!" i love worcester.

added bonus: they had an unfortunately titled segment: "are you smarter than a chum lee?"
they invited a nine and A HALF year old (he was adamant about that divided year) up on stage and asked him to guess how much an old barbershop chair was worth (it was a photo of one they own).
kid says, as if on cue: "well, it looks like a piece of crap, so i say fifty bucks."
BWAAAAAAH. the overtly obnoxious emcee almost peed herself with glee. the over excitement, not the harmonious show.

BONUS:

my friend carlos (he is one of the few perks of etsy) is dj'ing a smiths/morrisey night in nyc and asked for drink names. four (out of seven!) of mine are featured! AHEM. 1. johnny marrtini. 2. girlfriend in a coma. 3. mai tai love life 4. vermouth strikes again. mwaaaaahahahahaha.

johnny marrtini=personal best.

if you can't drive in a driveway or park in a parkway-can you still protest in a causeway?

the cat has made the executive decision that unless he is fed his putrid pouch of wet food at least every four hours he is going to dramatically mew, stare at me passive aggressively from the doorway, and, if ignored long enough, scratch the carpet. i keep on having nonsensical dreams that contain recurring and inexplicable caterwauling until i groggily wake up. in my sleepy twilight confusion, sans contacts, i suddenly see a white blob that has been impatiently waiting for me to get up and hook him up with gravy kibble. the little jerk will stuff his delicate cat face, wait until i'm in the shower, and then hop up and nest on my pillow, making sure his cat butt touches the entirety of the cushioned surface.

pardon the hyperbole, but i purchased the best hat ever. it is a yeti, which is perfect because part of meester squish's name is mcbumble. we totally match:

mwahahahahahahaha. i swear i'm not going to just blog about my cat, really. i have a few projects that are almost ready for their closeups and, barring an unforeseen but perpetually dreaded calamity, it looks like we found a house.

strange things are afoot at the circle k.

wilford squish brimley mcbumble

GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH. midterms + still grappling with financial aid nonsense (i love studying bureaucracy while simultaneously dealing with it) + relationship issues (tracy, you've been acting different...um, yeah, i'm sober [and lame, apparently])=@#$%^!

oh, and i decided it was a rad idea to drunkenly (the one blasted day i've drank for the last month) bid on and consequently win a talkboy on e-bay. yes, the tape recorder from home alone. sigh. 

here. have some cat pictures:

my valentine has pointy ears, says meow, and chocolate will kill him

shady duck:

i feel as though i would be a traitor to my generation if my bedazzled lace heart didn't have the obligatory coronary re: the commercial implications of today. meh. bitching about hallmark is the disaffected equivalent of getting a tribal tattoo. 

what i will gladly bemoan, however, is the lack of creative people in my life. or people, period. i mean really real life-like ferris bueller turf. no keyboard allowed. if i don't get out for a girls night without boyfriend in tow soon i'm going to slowly suffocate in my plastic bag antiseptic chloroform apartment. i need to slowly back away from my laptop before this becomes a rant...and i need female friends. 

the outdated infrastructure needed repairs: it was dam age control

the t rex upstairs is stomping around and using her pathetically tiny arms to pack her collection of now meatless bones and exotic jurrasic era palm trees and getting the @#$%^! out! *REJOICES* 


i drank for the first time in 3 weeks last night. it started out innocently enough with a gummi bear martini to compliment my sweet potato tempura sushi (ahem: nomnomnomnomnom): fast forward four hours to me arguing with ex boyfriend in bar after giving him some of my extra pee wee's playhouse figures...and somehow taking a chunk of my face out under my eyebrow. 

i don't do things half assed.

i think fashion blogs are egomaniac-ally tragic and annoyingly tripod leaden. but since i posted a picture of me bedecked for an interview i figured i would provide some compare and contrast. this is what the action figure of me would wear (squishy cat and vodka included):

boots have a screen print of little red riding hood on them. i would be a lying fink if i said i only casually care for them. and yes, thigh highs +  new england winter=bad idea, but only until you're warm and fuzzy from booze.

my soiled bathing suit would have to wait for a washing until the tide came in

midterms are almost upon me. sooooo glad i'm unemployed, albeit fleetingly (temporarily ecstatic-permanently out of work, at least for the foreseeable future).
i did the maff and i only owe the great commonwealth of massachusetts about $600 for not having health insurance the last 6 months. thankfully i was pro-active and had taxes taken out of my state pity checks so i may actually get some dollahs back from the irs. here's hoping...i only owe about 3 grand on my car. my quality of life would be much improved if i could get rid of that $300 payment every month. buying a brand new vehicle with all the bells and whistles seemed like such a spectacular idea four years ago. i paid extra for blue led floor lights because i thought it was funny... *shakes fist at frivolousness of youth*
i'll have to get a picture because words epically fail at describing how ridiculous they truly are. 
i should wax poetic about current events or something a tad deeper than my finances but i have so much schoolwork to do it's truly disheartening. 

his hastily constructed scarecrow was nothing to crow about

here's some fabric/button flowers and a mason jar vase i made when i was temporarily stricken with "i want a wedding" syndrome.

thank goodness i recovered. i blame this site.  will eventually be eloping, thanks. that will solve the issue of having both my parents in the same room. i did contact a photographer though. we're going to a retro bar and an antiques store for photos. i want artsy poses and an excuse to buy a rad dress. mike can even stay home that day if he wants.

current obsession: www.pinterest.com. the idea is so simple it's genius. it lets you tag and save photos from the web to your account. it's like bookmarking on a meth binge. i love it. seddy5 from etsy got me hooked. if you want to get sucked into the vortex of searching for pics to save i have extra invites and am always looking for more people to stalk.

after the turkey became fluent in a second language he was truly a peeping tom

possibly exciting news on the home front but i am terrified of jinxing it so i'll keep my overactive mouth shut for right now.

boyfriend surprised me with these today: 

poor significant other. i had to explain the concept of plugs and lobe stretching. if opposites attract wasn't a paula abdul song that i'm desperately trying to purge from my consciousness i might be tempted to wax poetic over circumstances. oh yes, seller credit here
in other craft baron news:here is my etsy rant
and this is the painting that i, miracle of all miracles, actually sold this weekend:

because i'm the polar opposite of a business genius i low balled the shipping (heehee balls) but the buyer wrote me an ecstatic convo so i was pretty stoked to send it to its forever home.

the unionized laundry workers walked out halfway during their shift-it was a strike while the iron was hot

i was a foaming at the mouth fanatical cutthroat ebay bidder last night. after anticlimactically losing twice at the last possible moment i am finally the proud owner of this:

sassy was a beloved anomaly in the fairy princess lip gloss of early '90's teenage period-icals. the now cult followed rag dispensed actual sex info rather than hiding behind the pr abstinence rant, wrote articles dealing with issues such as migrant farm workers, had a section every month devoted to zines (ahhh!!! remember zines?) and, to utterly disregard eloquence-totally rocked in every way imaginable. and, of course, folded due to a lack of advertisers. jane pratt, the twat behind the public love letter to herself-jane-and teenage style blogger tavi are supposedly teaming up to resurrect sassy but with the recorded soundbite of a "modern twist." no thanks. this girl=purist.

we continued our sunday waffle tradition and went here for eats this morning:

check out their rotating specials (so many vegan options for me!):

The Ripple – Whole wheat waffle batter all mixed up with walnuts and served with banana and honey.

Bananas Foster Waffles – Bananas set on fire right before your eyes, sauteed in a sweet blend of brown sugar and rum.  Served with our home made vegan coconut vanilla ice cream!

Waffles Rancheros - Waffles piled high with our famous Mexican style black beans, cheese, and two fried eggs or tofu scramble.  Topped with our home made salsa!

Falafel Waffles - Falafel Waffle batter made with chickpeas and spices, accompanied with a fresh cucumber salad and our famous hummus

Ragi Waffles - Curried lentil waffles jam packed with cilantro and spices served with a side of yogurt raita and our refreshing jicama mint salad.


nomnomnomnomnomnom.

we couldn't deside whether to paddle across the river...it was row vs. wade

epic retail luck today. EPIC. i'm trying not to breathlessly gasp and toss my hair while snapping my gum and cradling shopping bags but the stars, planets, tea leaves, sacrificed virgins, severed rabbit feet and votive candles were all working in my favor today.

a. used book store-1938 children's story book entitled "g-man: breaking the gambling ring:

b.salvation army-2 banana republic tees, a woman's extra small pink zz top shirt (bwahahahaha) and a size large little boys "i want to be a rock star" shirt
c. savers (nicer s.a.)-bunch of old navy & gap cardigans and sweaters
d. vintage/consignment store: BUTTONS!!!!! and mismatched jewelry for artwork. and: 

e. second vintage/consignment store:

1923 typewriter...that still works. i'm in love. 

*does a jig for capitalism (and subsequently feels guilty)*

he sat idly as everyone read the bible; he was without a job

shameless plug: photo blog

i kamikazed an interview today; it was brutally awkward and perfect in a i-have-cat-separation-anxiety-issues-anyway kind of way...my social disgraces aside it was 30% travel...that amount of air time would require entirely too many ativans. me, playing dress up:

tool. tucking in my shirt makes me want to beat myself up. in terms of possible travel- i'm morally opposed to rolling luggage and jet setting would not mesh well with simultaneous schooling...here are my textbooks...for this semester:

    

please note the vhs cassettes of mc hammer's saturday morning cartoon atop said piles.

why i want to stay home:

OLE.

scraping the vein was ore-ible

i guzzled a two liter of diet coke two days ago and twitched through the hundreds of photos on my laptop meth-odically. i crank/crack myself up entirely too much. it's sad really. 

second from top: me hugging a gas tank. bottom two: teenage mutant ninja turtle, obviously.